Woman bails on Thanksgiving dinner when wealthy friend expects her to cook and pay for most of the groceries for the meal: ‘Her miserly ways are ridiculous’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 24, 2024 5:00 PM EST

The holiday season is upon us! The negative thoughts that are usually swept under the rug are uncovered and amplified by one too many glasses of red and the stress of having 10+ mouths to feed. Cooking for and hosting your closest friends and family is a tolling task, so it's only expected that you reach out to friends who will step up and help with the task load. There are some folks, though, that'll try to pull a fast one on kind individuals who simply want to lend a helping hand. Turkey Day is truly a recipe for disaster.

In this next story, a woman decides to bail on cooking for her wealthy friend's Thanksgiving dinner. Microaggressions and insults aside, the friend also asked the woman to cook the entire meal for twelve people, to teach her how to cook, and to pay for half of the grocery bill. So, not only is this woman working for free, but she is also compensating her wealthy friend, too. So, instead of sticking around a dinner that'll stress her out and empty her wallet, she decides to bail—not without saying her piece, thankfully. Scroll to read.

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    Cheezburger Image 10431924992
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)
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    AITA for expecting not to have to pay for Thanksgiving groceries?
    via savinathewhite
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    I have never posted here before, so my apologies if I make any mistakes. I (54f) have been invited by a friend (50f) who I will call Ann, to come to her house for Thanksgiving.
    via savinathewhite
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    We all live in Italy, but spent many years in the USA, and have several American friends in the area. Ann heard that I make a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my house every
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    year for my family and a couple friends (6 people total). It is quite difficult to get all of the supplies here (no buying canned pumpkin, or cranberry sauce!), so I make every
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    single thing from scratch. Over the years, I've also acquired all the dishes and tools and spices - know suppliers for the more exotic things, and am an all around good cook.
    via savinathewhite
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    So Ann, who was born in China but lived in the USA for 20+ years, asked if I would come to her beautiful (and much bigger) home, and "teach her" how to make the whole dinner.
    via savinathewhite
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    For a group of 12 people instead of the usual 6. I was hesitant at first, because we live a very modest lifestyle, and Ann and her (British) husband are very well off, but I figured it would still be
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    fun, and I would enjoy putting on the feast for new people and in a beautiful kitchen. After I agreed, the problems began. First, Ann wanted to have the dinner on a day that isn't
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    Thanksgiving, to make it more convenient. I decided it wasn't all that important, since we live in Italy. So it is scheduled for the Sunday prior to the actual day. Then when we were planning to meet to go
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    shopping for all the ingredients, she asked if I could do all the shopping and she would "reimburse me for her half". I asked what she meant, and she said that I'd be paying for half of everything.
    via savinathewhite
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    So not only would I be doing all the shopping, all the planning, all the cooking and teaching her as well, but now I'm expected to pay for the food? I told her I could not do this (we really don't have
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    the budget!) so now she's trying to alter the menu she agreed to (turkey & fixings, candied yams, roasted veggies, an appetizer, and pie). Really a modest dinner by American standards.
    via savinathewhite
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    She then made a comment that "her" friends don't "eat like pigs". She then went to another guest with my recipes and asked her to prepare my pumpkin pie so she
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    didn't have to buy the ingredients. Bear in mind, Ann and her husband are very wealthy. I'd estimate the whole dinner for 12 might cost €200 for the ingredients, and my labor Ann gets for free.
    via savinathewhite
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    She thinks I'm being "stubborn and ungenerous" (ie an AH) My family thinks Ann is taking advantage of my kindness and her miserly ways are ridiculous, since she'd spend double that amount for lunch out on a whim.
    via savinathewhite
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    So AITA for refusing to "contribute" to the meal or be bu ied into this nonsense? My family wants me to just bow out and tell her I'm not comfortable with her attitude. I'm tempted, because this feels toxic and manipulative.
    via savinathewhite
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    EDIT TO UPDATE: (I hope this is permitted) I did cancel this entirely, and thank you everyone for your kind advice and encouragement! We will be having our dinner at home instead.
    via savinathewhite
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    Clean_Factor9... • 16h ago · NTA. Your mistake was sharing the recipes. This woman is not your friend. She wants you to pay for half the groceries for her dinner party in addition to cooking everything and sourcing all ingredients. At this point she would need to pay you the cost of a private chef to cook the dinner.
    via Clean_Factor9673
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    bujomomo 16h ago . • NTA- I lived overseas in places where you would pay an arm and a leg for Thanksgiving dinner ingredients, so I understand how expensive it can be. Sounds like she wants your expertise and labor in addition to half the cost, so I would pass.
    via bujomomo
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    November-8485 · 16h ago . NTA. Cancel the dinner. Withdraw your recipes. Move on and enjoy your family with thanks.
    via November-8485
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    . Competitive-W... 16h ago • She's treating you like the maid, the unpaid maid at that Absolutely NTA, just cancel. Go back to your original plans, don't invite the leech.
    via Competitive-Watch188

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